Sometimes relationships follow a linear path that starts with dating and eventually continues on a steady trajectory toward either a more permanent, long-lasting commitment or a breakup. But it isn’t uncommon for relationships to take a much less steady path that often proceeds in a series of fits, starts, or even brief breaks. Both Winch and Sussman say in-person breakups are the most considerate and mature option for established couples, and should preferably happen in a private place. “If it’s in public, they might be distraught, and then they have to somehow get home, which is horrible,” Winch says. The best place to do it is in their home, not yours, he adds, so you can leave if the situation gets too drawn out, and so that they’re in a familiar place. I know from personal experience that one of the worst things that can happen in a breakup is leaving someone feeling “less than” for who they are or what they can’t control.
Or, if one of you wants to travel the world year-round, while the other wants to settle down in a small town, your visions are not in alignment.
Deciding whether to break up with your partner can be one of the toughest decisions you’ll ever have to make. It’s important to carefully consider all aspects of your relationship before coming to a conclusion.
Factors to Consider
And, from an evolutionary perspective, our ancestors probably believed it was most important to find a partner than The One. This doesn’t always mean you are doomed or not meant to be. Most couples have vast untapped potential, and, chances are, so do you.
As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. If you’ve broken up and gotten back together a million times, ask yourself how this time will be different. Every time you look at your man, you feel a swell of anger. Maybe he begged you not to take that job across the country so you could be together, and now you resent him for it. Maybe he convinced you that the two of you were better off not having kids, but your biological clock is still ticking. The two of you have struggled for a while, and you’ve agreed that should you to go to couple’s therapy.
TL;DR, instead of seeking ways to be apart after cheating, couples should reconnect—whether that’s through couples therapy or talking through the relationship’s issues one-on-one, Skyler notes. “Breaks must be done with clear rules and for the right reasons,” says Spector. A break is not the answer if you are just too afraid to end the relationship, definitely know you want to see other people, or are seeking to punish your partner for whatever reason. In those cases, you should be upfront with your partner about how you’re feeling—it’s likely you need a more permanent fix to your problem. There are many reasons why you might want to consider taking a break in your relationship. It can be a way to reset the relationship, gain clarity about your own needs, and even help foster a healthier relationship with your partner.
This has the possibility of confusing the other person even more. This might sound like a silly question—how do you go about breaking up with someone you’re not dating? Well, in fact, the question is a lot more common than you might think and also arguably a lot less silly than you might think. We are not going to say that women are more emotional than men or anything like that, but some women do tend to invest more heavily in relationships than their male counterparts. And when this happens, it means that they’re more vulnerable to harsher emotional effects from a breakup.
There are several factors to consider when deciding whether to end a relationship:
- Communication: Do you and your partner have open and honest communication?
- Compatibility: Are you and your partner compatible in terms of values, goals, and beliefs?
- Trust: Is trust an issue in your relationship?
- Respect: Do you and your partner respect each other?
- Happiness: Are you both happy in the relationship?
Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you make a decision:
- Do I still love my partner?
- Am I willing to work on the issues in our relationship?
- Do I see a future with my partner?
- Am I happier when I’m alone or with my partner?
Seeking Outside Help
If you’re having trouble making a decision, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A neutral third party can provide you with guidance and support as you navigate this difficult process.
Ultimately, the decision to break up is a personal one that only you can make. Trust your instincts and do what is best for your own well-being.
