Ending a relationship can be one of the most difficult decisions you may have to make in life. Whether it’s due to differences in values, lack of communication, or simply falling out of love, finding the courage to break free is essential for your own well-being.
While there are ways to delete your Internet history on a computer, tablet, or smartphone that your abuser has access to, this can be a red flag that you’re trying to hide something. Besides, unless you’re very technical, it can be almost impossible to clear all evidence of the websites that you’ve visited. Use a computer at work, the library, your local community center, a domestic violence shelter or agency, or borrow a smartphone from a friend. If you’re worried about what will happen if you leave… You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children.
Here, we take you through 10 steps to ending a toxic relationship. There may be more or fewer steps for you; every situation is unique. In the end, it might be impossible to break up with your partner without hurting them. But if you come to the conversation honestly and respectfully, you’ll go a long way toward making this process a bit easier for everyone involved. After the details get squared away, there’s really no template for how you and your ex-partner move on from here.
What you tell yourself about who you are and what you can do. Your self-image affects everything you do, every choice you make, every thought you believe. Forming a healthy self-identity is the first step towards getting out of an unhealthy relationship – especially when you believe you have no money or support. But you also have very real, valid, and serious possibilities. It’s crucial that you start thinking about why you want to leave this relationship and where you are going.
Reflect on Your Feelings
The first step in getting out of a relationship is to take some time to reflect on your feelings. Ask yourself if you are truly happy in the relationship or if you have been staying out of habit or fear of being alone. **Honesty** with yourself is key in this process.
Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you’ve stuck around in spite of it. Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-blame. There are support groups available where you can share your experiences with others who’ve been in your shoes. Remember that you can learn how to have healthy attachments.
Communicate Your Decision
Taking responsibility for another person’s actions and behaviors can be tiring and overwhelming at times. In the same way, having another person trying to tell you how to act and behave can be equally frustrating. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t able to feel or that you lack emotions, nor does it mean you lack empathy. While emotional detachment can be a symptom of depression, voluntary detachment isn’t an indication that you have depression. Be sure to take the time and energy to do it properly.
For example, they hug you because they value physical touch. You’d be even happier if they cleaned up the living room or spent more time away from their desk, because you value acts of service and quality time together. In relationships, learn how you can show your partner your love in a way that your partner values. When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
Once you have made the decision to end the relationship, it is important to communicate your feelings to your partner. **Be clear** and direct in your communication, but also be empathetic and understanding of their emotions. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation about your reasons for wanting to end the relationship.
Seek Support
Breaking up can be emotionally challenging, so it’s important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. **Having a strong support system** can help you navigate through the difficult emotions that come with ending a relationship.
Give Yourself Time to Heal
After ending a relationship, it’s important to give yourself time to heal and process your emotions. **Allow yourself** to grieve the loss of the relationship and focus on self-care activities that bring you joy and comfort.
Focus on Self-Growth
Finally, use this opportunity to focus on self-growth and personal development. **Take the time** to reflect on what you have learned from the relationship and how you can grow from the experience. Use this time to reconnect with yourself and work towards becoming the best version of yourself.
