By the time you actually feel that your partner is devoting some effort, it may well be time to leave. At that point, the problem has probably been going on a long time. It’s natural to experience intense emotions when a once-healthy relationship starts to deteriorate.
Deciding whether to break up with your partner can be a difficult and emotional process. If you’re feeling unsure about the state of your relationship, here are some signs that may indicate it’s time to consider ending things:
1. Lack of Communication
However, good feelings about the relationship can still exist. The unfortunate reality is that not everyone can or will get closure and, sometimes, by the time one person is ready to talk, the other person may have moved on (figuratively or literally). If they reach out when you aren’t ready, it’s okay to let them know you’re still processing, but also realize the ball would then be in your court to reach out. If you feel you weren’t your best self during the breakup, you can always reach out and ask for forgiveness. Do this over text, not in person, if the break up is still fresh.
Communication is key in any relationship. If you find that you and your partner are no longer able to communicate effectively or openly discuss your feelings and concerns, it may be a sign that the relationship is not working.
Learning how to know when to break up requires you to be completely honest with yourself about the situation, your feelings, and what you want in a relationship. For some couples, the question isn’t if to break up, it’s when to break up. You both have known for quite some time that the relationship is dead, but you both hate conflict and upheaval. Partners who provided “validation” were seen as a reason to stay, while relationships with a “lack of validation” provided a reason to leave. Whatever you decide, there’s no shame in the route you take.
2. Constant Arguments
Think about whether or not you want or need to stay connected after. You don’t have to mention it during the breakup or even work toward it immediately. If you do want to have a friendship, or know you have to keep talking, you don’t want to leave the other person unsteady. Being part of a couple can be challenging at times—but Dr. Piorkowski says that you shouldn’t always give up, noting that people can change. If your partner makes a mistake or you struggle with a certain aspect of your relationship, the partnership may be able to survive through communication, admission of fault and the commitment to change.
If you’ve taken the time to think and you’ve come to the conclusion that breaking up really is the right move for you, there are a few things you may want to keep in mind. For instance, be clear with yourself about the reason you’re breaking up with your partner before you approach them. If there are gifts and photos, put them in a box or on a drive.
Frequent arguments and conflicts may indicate that there are underlying issues in the relationship that cannot be resolved. If you find yourselves arguing more often than not, it may be a sign that the relationship is no longer healthy.
Breaking up means dividing years’ worth of combined personal items. Letting go of someone you’ve grown accustomed to being in your life. Maybe your fantasies about being with other men came to life and now you’re having an affair.
3. Lack of Trust
Trust is essential in any relationship. If you constantly find yourself doubting your partner or feeling insecure in the relationship, it may be a sign that trust has been broken beyond repair.
4. Mismatched Goals and Values
If you and your partner have different goals and values in life, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to your future plans and what you value most.
5. Feeling Unhappy or Unfulfilled
If you find yourself feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship, it may be a sign that it’s time to move on. Your happiness and well-being should always be a top priority.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I know if it’s just a rough patch or if we should break up?
A: If you’ve tried to work through your issues and improve the relationship but still find yourself feeling unhappy or unsatisfied, it may be time to consider breaking up.
Q: Should I stay in a relationship for the sake of my partner or family?
A: It’s important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Staying in a relationship out of guilt or obligation is not healthy for either party involved.
