Not all relationships are salvageable, but those that are will require several key principles to repair them so that the relationship becomes functional and gratifying. Based on anecdotal data from almost 20 years of providing psychotherapy to men and women, I have found that certain factors are especially helpful in improving or even saving a struggling relationship. Review each factor below and understand that practicing each one will give an impaired relationship the best odds for emotional repair.
“Learning about your partner regularly will reduce the chance of surprises,” adds Ricciardi. But experts agree on the importance of talking about the difficult stuff. Perhaps you asked your partner to comment on the new prescription sunglasses you just bought, which are, by definition, not returnable.
I love this woman more than life itself, but I really fucked up. Recently I’ve realized that I’ve haven’t been making her the priority she should have been, and I’ve been neglecting her and for my schooling, fraternity and other things. This all boiled to a point when I had thoughts on really wanting her to convert to my faith, and she had taken it as me not wanting to pursue our relationship if she didn’t. That was never my intention and I’ve continued to assure her that it was not my plan, but I really created a rift between us.
Relationships can be challenging and sometimes we find ourselves asking the question, “How do I fix my relationship?” Whether you are going through a rough patch with your partner or simply want to improve your connection, there are steps you can take to mend and strengthen your relationship.
There’s no “thank you,” even for your effort, and they complete the offensive behavior by saying that it might be something their wife would like to have. Perhaps your partner bought you a thoughtfully chosen gift that they thought would be exactly to your liking. However, much to your partner’s dismay, when you opened it, your face apparently communicated disappointment. Hurt by your lack of appreciation for their effort, your partner shuts down, and you’re worried that the episode could have long-lasting ramifications. Hopefully, these tips give you something to work with, and you will find something that can help you approach your relationship problems in a different way.
When your partner seems difficult, remind yourself this proves s/he’s fundamentally an imperfect human, always was, and always be. In managing conflict, couples may argue about whether a proposed solution is common, reasonable, or fair. In a long-term relationship, it’s second-nature to make a request using an impersonal delivery bordering on an order. For example, “pick up your clothes,” “lend me $100,” “don’t shout at me.” John Gottman observes, “five positive interactions for every negative” is essential for nurturing a relationship. Marriages, friendships, and other intimate relationship difficulties are often reversed using these strategies.
He is the author of 13 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally. Most of us are generally able to pull off being adult at work, or when we’re in a good mood. It’s then that we’re apt to slip into feeling like a 10-year-old and get all sulky or angry or powerless. Sure, there’s an element of “faking it till you make it,” but by doing your best to adhere to an adult stance you can gradually train yourself to feel empowered rather than frightened or small. It’s a matter of catching and changing it; with practice, the catch and change will become easier, more automatic. With a commitment to yourself and to the process, you stand the best possible chance of making some real changes that can lead to your saving your relationship.
Communicate Openly
According to Chris Brantner, a certified sleep science coach, 75% of couples don’t go to bed together, which has negative effects. Those with mismatched sleep patterns report more conflict, less conversation, and have less sex than those who go to bed together. A research assistant rated the category of offense, such as criticism, betrayal, misunderstanding, and failed obligation, categories used in the previous two studies. Participants in the control condition received no additional instructions other than to describe the offense. An apology based on empathy, then, begins with the ability to feel what the offended person is feeling, casting aside your wish to see yourself as the one who was in the right. In the case of the ill-fated gift, you would conjure up memories of a situation in which you gave a gift to someone who showed a similarly ungrateful response.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication. If you are facing issues with your partner, it is crucial to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns. Make sure to listen to your partner’s perspective as well and try to understand where they are coming from. By having open and honest communication, you can work together to address any issues and find solutions.
Seek Professional Help
If you find that you are unable to resolve issues on your own, seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist can be beneficial. A third-party perspective can provide valuable insight and guidance on how to navigate challenges in your relationship. Therapists can offer tools and strategies to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and build a stronger bond with your partner.
Make Time for Each Other
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be easy to neglect your relationship. Make sure to prioritize spending quality time with your partner. This can include date nights, weekend getaways, or simply spending a quiet evening at home together. By making time for each other, you can reconnect and strengthen your bond.
