This leaves 91% of our relationship ripe for miscommunication. You can make changes on your own, but it is a lot easier with support. Obvious supports are people in your corner – your friend who encourages you, your mother who calls up and asks how you’re doing, a therapist who coaches from the sidelines and keeps you on track.
Bringing this back into the sphere of close interpersonal relationships, you can see where there can be useful parallels. It can be helpful to know what to ask for when your partner lets you down; just as useful is knowing what you can do when you’re the one who’s failed. To have the fulfillment and love in your partnership, it’s necessary to have the frustration and discord.
Relationships are rarely smooth sailing all the time. They require effort, communication, and compromise from both parties involved. If you find yourself in a troubled relationship, don’t despair. There are steps you can take to help mend and strengthen your bond with your partner.
If you’ve hurt your partner, it’s easy to fall into a spiral of shame and disappointment in yourself. The real difference between the couples who repaired successfully and those who didn’t was the emotional climate between partners. In other words, your repair attempt is only going to work well if you have really been a good friend to them, especially lately. To do this, you need to communicate that you care about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and perspective, especially if your behavior during the argument didn’t indicate this. Because change creates anxiety, both change and anxiety are best tolerated in smaller doses.
Identify the Issues
The first step in fixing a relationship is to identify the root cause of the problems you are facing. Take some time to reflect on what has been causing tension or dissatisfaction in your relationship. Is it lack of communication, trust issues, or differing priorities? Once you have pinpointed the issues, you can begin working towards resolving them.
At best, deep love occasionally comes with emotional pain. According to Dr. Manly, space alone is typically not enough to save a struggling relationship. What exactly you do with this break is a better sign of whether or not the space will be helpful. Although being there for each other through the tough stuff is an important part of a relationship, so too is celebrating each other’s achievements.
Communication is Key
Effective communication is essential in any relationship. Make an effort to listen to your partner’s concerns and express your own thoughts and feelings openly. Avoid blaming or criticizing each other, and instead focus on finding solutions together. Communication can help build trust, strengthen emotional connections, and foster a deeper understanding between you and your partner.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
Our lives can be demanding, and between work, taking care of kids, and household chores, we can start to feel distant from our partners and friends. If you crave closeness and communication, consider scheduling quality time. Schumann and Dragotta proposed that you need to start by being able to empathize with the person you’ve offended.
But it can also come from reading and learning more about relationship change, from the online support of others dealing with the same problems. Take the time to notice not failure, but success, not doing it right, but taking risks. And should even these small steps seem too overwhelming to take within the relationship, try building up your skills and confidence in easier environs. If, for example, you are trying to be more positive or more open or more assertive, road-test these behaviors with friends, strangers or coworkers where there are fewer emotional triggers to derail you. Once you get your sea legs there you can move on to the heavies like your partner or parents. Put out the fire by focusing directly on the process, the emotions and actions.
If you find it difficult to resolve the issues in your relationship on your own, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you navigate through your problems and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support if you feel overwhelmed or stuck in your efforts to fix your relationship.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re okay with what they said or did. It helps you let go of resentment and other negative emotions so you can heal. Additionally, emotional regulation fosters healthy relationships with others and with yourself. This is the ability to control your emotions in a positive way. It doesn’t mean numbing your feelings but finding healthy ways to diffuse strong emotions. Quality time is one of the five love languages Dr. Gary Chapman discusses in his book, “The 5 Love Languages.” While the book focuses on romantic relationships, quality time is important for friendships, too.
