Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life. Whether the relationship ended mutually or not, it’s natural to feel a range of emotions including sadness, anger, and confusion. However, it is important to remember that healing is possible and there are steps you can take to move on.
Beyond just accepting the breakup, moving on is a bit of a different story. “You really know you’ve moved on when it’s not just acceptance, it’s true disengagement from this person,” Gullick says. Angry with yourself—or them—for not investing more in the relationship? Gullick says things like jealousy and competitiveness can rear their head in this stage, whether these feelings are directed at your partner or at yourself.
Consciously stop yourself from overthinking at any other time. When your attention wanders, remind yourself there is a set time to overthink, and you will do it then. Start caring for yourself and invite love, laughter, and joy back into your life so you’re incentivized to look forward to the future instead of obsessing over the past. Research3 suggests that romantic love shares many symptoms of substance or behavioral addiction, albeit positive ones, and a breakup can, therefore, cause feelings of withdrawal. If you ended the relationship, you are probably battling feelings of guilt, and for as long as this battle rages, you will continue to reel from the aftereffects of the breakup.
Being able to be your genuine, authentic self, and be not just accepted but loved for it, is one of the great gifts of a supportive relationship. In the absence of that, it may be time to re-evaluate and examine your true level of compatibility. Resentment doesn’t have to kill a relationship, but if you don’t actually want to work on diminishing that resentment, it most certainly can. Some people want to hold on to resentment for their own reasons, perhaps because their hurt feels too great to forgive and let go.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
It’s okay to feel sad and to grieve the loss of the relationship. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and don’t try to suppress them. Cry if you need to, talk to friends or a therapist, and allow yourself time to heal.
“Sometimes someone can be super angry right away, then a couple of days after being angry, all of a sudden it seems to hit, and then they’re in denial,” Hallett notes for example. You’ve finally stopped checking their social media, you’re not constantly thinking about them, and you wish the best for them, knowing you won’t be a part of that. As you move through this phase, you may feel like you’re ready to put yourself out there again and date someone new, which is great! Just try to be aware of whether you’re “rebounding,” or truly ready to start a new relationship.
Focus on Self-Care
During this difficult time, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. Take time to exercise, meditate, or practice mindfulness to help ease your emotional pain.
Even when you and your significant other are going through a rough patch, you should still want to be around one another and fix whatever issues you may be dealing with. Finding the right fix might not be the easiest endeavor in the world, but if you and your partner feel as though it’s worth it, that’s when you know the relationship is still alive and has a chance to be saved. The right relationships should be grounded in love, mutual respect, communication, and trust. Fear is the opposite of what real relationships are about, and fear does not lead you to be your best self or enjoying everything that life has to offer. It’s OK to be alone sometimes, and it’s OK to know when to say goodbye. One of the big reasons people stay in relationships past the time it’s over is that they are afraid of being alone.
You could even begin learning a new language or make plans for a solo trip. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these behaviors, but they can lead to a lot of confusion and further heartbreak. If you and your ex want to maintain a friendship, you have to act like friends.
Journaling can also be a helpful tool for processing your feelings and gaining insight into your emotions. Additionally, surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and encouragement during this challenging time.
Avoid Isolating Yourself completely, as socializing with others can help distract you and provide a sense of connection. However, make sure to set boundaries and take time for yourself when needed. Remember, healing from a breakup takes time, but with self-care and support, you will eventually be able to move forward with your life.
